I'm in trouble

It's been awhile and I think the easiest way to catch up is by story telling...

Lady in the store: Hi batman!
b: Yeah, it's me.  Who are you?
lady: Catwoman
b: oh, go away, Batman doesn't like Catwoman.

b calls his grandfather Robin.  When talking to my grandpa, he says, "Grandfather is Robin, but I call him Rob."

Me: I'm hungry.  What should we have for dinner?
b: I'll make you dinner.  I'll make chicken, rice, beef. (Probably because he has never seen me cook)
Me: Great!  Thanks!
He goes to open the fridge, comes back and says, "Nevermind, a drink is a food, just have a diet coke."

Me: Ugh, I forgot to buy milk and we need some.
b: It's ok, maybe Santa will bring it for you.

b: Mom, tell me you love me.
me: I love you.
b: You said it wrong.
me: I love you!!
b: I guess that will have to work.

me: What did you do at school today?
b: I kicked Carlos for sitting by Owen.
me: That's terrible.  Did you get in trouble?
b: No.  Bryan did it not me.
me: Aren't you Bryan?
b: sometimes.

Bryan got jelly on his mouth and comes over to wipe his face on my leg.  I stopped him and asked what he was thinking.  He looks at me and says, "my mouth is dirty, what did you want me to do?" 

While baking Christmas cookies, Bryan kept stealing the marshmallows.  Every time I turned around, he had another mouthful of marshmallow.  Finally, I put him in time out.  He goes over to the corner, fake cries for a minute, then says, "I'm done crying, let's make a deal."

me: Bryan, come brush your teeth.
b: ugh!  I don't have time for this!

At the Mavs game.
"b, who is your favorite player?"  "The Giants."

me: We have to go get a black shirt for your school costume.
b: What am !?
me: A skeleton.
b: No!  I will not be a "keleton"!  Batman is not a "keleton".  If you make me be a "keleton" I will not have fun at the party.

Grandfather: C'est la vie
b: la vee

The day after Halloween...
b: I love Halloween day.  What's next?
me: Thanksgiving
b: good, I'll be batman again and you will give me candy.
me: It doesn't work that way.
b: Then I only like Halloween day.

Steph offered b a cookie.  He sticks his face in the tin.  Everyone yells, NO NO NO!
He looks up says innocently, "what?  I was just going to lick them."

I had to go to the chiropractor.  b starts to cry.  I asked why he was crying.  He said he was sad for me because I had to go to the doctor.  "It's ok b.  Mommy likes the doctor."  "You're crazy."

me: You're handsome.
b: Thanks, I work out.

me: I signed you up for baseball.  You're going to be a grasshopper.
b: I'm not a grasshopper.  Those are bugs.  I'll be a flamingo.

I try to get b to explain why he does things.  The other night, I was out and he calls me to say, "I want you to come home because I want you to come home."
I left immediately :)

b: Your house is in the toilet.
me (because I'm a mature adult): Your mom is in the toilet.
b: NO!  She would get wet in there.